If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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