A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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