is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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