Ambien. No doubt about it.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Pooping to opera.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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