Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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