i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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