I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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