Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
