New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I currently don't understand fingers.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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