McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
