How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
