Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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