R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
