either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
