Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
