I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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