remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
