I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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