so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
