anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
