are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
