I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
