Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
did i just pee glitter
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
