I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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