Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
