Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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