Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
