my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
