i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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