I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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