K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
