What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I touched a dick in church today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
