ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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