You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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