sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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