oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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