I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
