I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
