He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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