I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
