I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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