Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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