great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
