so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
