You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
