Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
