fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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