I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Randomize
