while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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