And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
