Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
