Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize