I think I just saw someone hide a body.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
