i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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