My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
