i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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