Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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