just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
