is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
