Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
