my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
