just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
