Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
