I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you told grandpa to call you daddy
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
