i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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