I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
